How many uses for the Eye Massager can we find?

Featuring TDS Man, our caped protector, who is wearing the amazing TDS Eye Massager.

After Ben’s display of ingenious cunning we decided to see how many uses we could find for the Eye Massager apart from it’s stated use as a health tool.

The Eye Massager, a brilliant tool for relaxation purposes has shown the potential for so much more.

So we present to you the top ten other users for the Eye Massager!

10.  A unique bracelet!
By strapping the Eye Massager to your wrist; you can make a fashionable yet unique bracelet that will be the envy of all your friends! It will be an amazing addition to your existing collection.

As you can see on our right; the bracelets edgy design really provokes a lot of interest and admiration.

9. A knuckle duster!
Now obviously we don’t promote you running around punching people with it; but we do condone your well being and health. If attacked or threatened by b- movie esque thugs you can slip it down  to your fist and drop them all with a single falcon punch. (Probably not a good idea in practice)

So if in need of an impromptu weapon; look no further!

8.  As airsoft eye protection!
As you may know; our team are rather fond of airsoft. These little pellets though can cause all  kinds of suffering though so it is highly advised to use eye protection. We are always in search of the most badass protection available though to counteract what could be seen as a wimpy, although necessary, safety precaution.

7. A shopping basket!
Of one item. Providing it’s very small. Yes if you hold the straps you could use it as a makeshift shopping basket. It could also carry larger items that could be bound using the straps. Extremely useful we know.

6. A dog catapult!
Enemies at your gate? Out of ammo or even rocks? If you have plenty of dogs lying around you castle; with no hope of victory otherwise…lock and load with your improvised slingshot. Accurate and deadly; this is the last resort in any conflict.
It would be mentioned in the Geneva convention but with power this great it would hardly need to be brought up. Surely no one would be insane enough to release it’s destructive power?

5. A garter!

Forget silk or lace! They may have been sexy but now it’s all about that bright white plastic! Sexiest thing to hit the scene since God gave us Katy Perry; this is sure to entice any lover to perform.

We know that you’re in for a good night whenever you wear this naughty little accessory!

4. A wrestling mask!
Fancy taking to the ring? But don’t have a mask ready? Do you have an Eye Massager?

If you do have an Eye Massager you can wear one as a scary wrestling mask! Keep your identity a hidden and leave people guessing as you fight opponents and pin people to the map. Guaranteed not to fall off or be tugged off thanks to it’s amazing design.

3. Doggie shades!
As ever canine fashion is one to watch; and with these bad boys you can make sure that fido is as trendy as ever. Modelled by McDougall, our faithful mascot, you can see that these are simply a gorgeous pair of shades that have a simple yet striking statement.

What that statement is, or could ever be, is open to interpretation…but we would like to think that it simple means “Freedom, to do whatever you want!”

2.  An emergency bra or swimsuit!
You never know when you may need a spare item of underwear. Or when friends may suddenly decide to drag you swimming. Be prepared for any occasion with the Eye Massager bra! It will preserve your modesty and allow you to enjoy yourself without any discomfort.

Ben also suggests use as swimming shorts; but to preserve your eyes we have decided not to show you that image. No one should have to suffer that fate.


1. A doggie saddle!
Yes this is our number one use! You will never know when you quickly need to make haste and as demonstrated it makes a comfortable all purpose saddle no matter what the weapon conditions.

Bandits on the way? Not a problem! Just saddle up the nearest creature and escape on your way! Quite possibly th
e best use we’ve ever devised!

Now that you know our top ten uses of the TDS Eye Massager feel free to comprise your own!

The Discovery Store Eye Massager can be found here on our site:
and McDougall; our Scottish terrier can be found here:


2 thoughts on “How many uses for the Eye Massager can we find?

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